


All I've Ever Known

by asterixn



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Family Feels, Gen, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Prompt Fill, amethyst has many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 17:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15778590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterixn/pseuds/asterixn
Summary: Amethyst and Rose. Amethyst had thought they'd never lose each other. Amethyst was wrong.





	All I've Ever Known

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CosmosCuriosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmosCuriosity/gifts).



> a friend and i did a fic exchange for a few weeks, this is like a year old and my writing has improved so much (or at least i think it has) that i cringe a bit when i read this but I figured i should post it sometime.
> 
> from the dialogue prompt "Hey, hey, calm down, they can't hurt you anymore"
> 
> i hope you like this!

First, there is darkness,

 

And then- well, still darkness - but now there is  _ feeling.  _

 

The first thing she feels is the first thing she knows.  _ Amethyst _ . 

 

What is an Amethyst? She asks herself this. And then she knows.

 

She is Amethyst. And she is trapped in darkness. It’s rough and it crumbles when she tries to move. But she keeps going. The walls are closing in on her and she  _ needs  _ to keep going. And finally she reaches the blinding light. Amethyst is so happy in that moment. Happier than she’ll be for centuries to come. But, for now at least, she’ll be left in peace, all alone, to wait, and wait. Waiting for what? Amethyst thinks she might never know.

 

-

 

Amethyst waits there. For how long? She doesn’t know, but it feels like forever. She never tries to leaves. She doesn’t know why, but she doesn’t. She hates it there. There’s nothing to do. No-one to be with. But still. She just sits and lays and basks in the sun. Days go by. Hundreds of them. Thousands of them. But still she waits.

 

-

 

Then, they come.

 

They are all taller than her, bigger,  _ older _ . There is something about them that speaks and whispers horrible tales. But they are the ones she has been waiting for.

 

Yet they don’t seem to know that. The tallest one, stand impassive. Her thoughts are impossible to discern. And so she turns to the next one. Unlike the first, this one is short and thin. She is still taller than Amethyst though. Another difference is that she wears her emotions proudly. They are plain to see on her face, and Amethyst can see that she is confused. They had found her laying on the ground, staring at the golden sun. And the skinny one doesn’t seem to know what Amethyst is doing here. Funny, Amethyst thought, should she be the one asking that question. Finally, Amethyst turns to the third one. As opposed the others the others. This one is smiling. She has locks and locks. Everlasting and never ending pink locks. She seem bright and cheerful and  _ happy.  _ Happier than Amethyst has been in a while. So, maybe, Amethyst thinks, she can share some of that happiness with me.

 

-

 

When the three leave, they aren’t three anymore. Now they are four. Amethyst comes with them to their  _ temple  _ as they call it. She even gets a room. This is the first time Amethyst has ever received something and her face is alight with joy. Amethyst loves them all. Quiet Garnet, who just seems to know things, is pleasent to be around. She never judges, never minds how Amethyst acts. And Amethyst doesn’t have to change for her, Amethyst loves her for that. Even Perfect Pearl, with all her ways and her own imperfections, is someone she can admire and love. Peal just has something about her that magnifies the small things in life. If something is out of order, Pearl has to fix. To Pearl, details matter. Everything matters. Every _ one  _ matters. Even Amethyst matters, Amethyst loves Pearl for that. But the one she hasn’t yet mentioned is Rose Quartz. That’s because Amethyst has been saving Rose for last. Of all of them, Amethyst thinks she might just love Rose most of all. Rose was the one who’d first welcomed her to their group. Rose was the one who’d shown her  _ life.  _ And Amethyst loves Rose for that.

 

-

 

Years pass, and, sometimes, Amethyst has visions. She thinks they may be similar to Garnet’s future-visions. And maybe they are. But there is something different about Amethyst’s visions. 

 

They are not the future. They are the past.

 

Amethyst tries not to remember the past. She tries not to remember sitting all alone, waiting out the night under the Moon’s ivory light, every night, for years. She tries not to remember the darkness and loneliness she had felt, wondering if she was going to be alone forever, She tries not to remember the pain. She tries to block it out.

 

But trying doesn’t mean succeeding.

 

Sometimes, Amethyst will be going through her things, her wonderful things, and remembering good things. Good memories. Then she isn’t. Then, she is zoning out and having flashes of her lilac body curled up in her hole, hiding from the world, desperately hoping that she won’t be alone forever. She wishes she could stop this. But she can’t.

 

One day, she is sitting on the beach, faced towards the Ocean, when she has another one of her flashes.

 

This time, Amethyst is sprinting through her past home, desperately trying to reach her hole. It is one of her earlier memories. She had heard something. It had kept getting louder. Kept getting closer, as if it was searching for her, and succeeding. She’d had no one to comfort her. No one to wipe away her terrified tears as she cowered in her cave, shuddering.

 

And then she sees the sea again. Because this time, she does have someone to comfort her. This time, she has Rose, who holds her tight and close.

 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Rose murmurs to her, “they can’t hurt you anymore. These flashes you’re having? They can’t hurt you anymore.”

 

Amethyst wants to ask ‘why wouldn’t they?,’ and so she does.

Rose smiles at her and says, so simply, “Because I’m here.”

 

And Amethyst doesn’t have them again, not for a long time.

 

-

 

Year pass, many of them. Even more than had passed before, at the kindergarten (as Rose and the others call it). And Amethyst- Amethyst is happy, so,  _ so  _ happy. Amethyst doesn’t want it to end. She loves living with Garnet, Pearl, and Rose. Especially Rose. But Earth is constantly changing, and so must the creatures living on it.

 

-

 

It is not long before the humans come. They settle upon the Gem’s land. Amethyst is angered, she wants to fight. Garnet says they should wait, see what they do. And Pearl is offended, she wants to march over there and lecture them, probably. 

 

But Rose says no, and that’s all it takes to calm them down. Rose loves life, in every shape and form. Rose is many things, but above all, she is their leader. And so they listen to her.

And yet, something isn’t sitting right with Amethyst. There is something  _ different  _ about Rose now. Something not necessarily good. And Amethyst is sure that the others have noticed it too. Rose is fascinated by the humans. Perhaps too fascinated. No longer is just the four of them, protecting Earth. Now it is Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Rose’s love for the humans.

 

-

 

But still, time goes on, and so must they.

 

-

 

Amethyst had thought that Rose couldn’t distance herself anymore that she had already. Amethyst was wrong.

 

It is then that Rose and the Gems meet the human called Greg.

 

Night and day, Garnet argues with herself, disheveled by recent events and struggling to stay fused. Meanwhile, Pearl draws up pros and cons, muttering to herself even more than usual. Amethyst thinks it’s sad. Pearl has always had a sort of devotion to Rose. A love for her. Pearl would do anything for Rose. But Rose, Rose didn’t see that. Rose loved them all equally. Amethyst had loved that about her, but now she thinks she hates it. Each and everyone of them needs a different love. Garnet is a fusion. Amethyst remembers what that feels like, she remembers when she first fused with Pearl. It was an incredibly crazy experience. But it was also only for an hour or so until they unfused. Yet, Amethyst recalls it clearly. It was off-putting and isolating, being fused. She was a completely different Gem, a new-born Gem. Everything was new, everything was being seen anew and in a different light. Being constantly fused and set apart from your own kin, Amethyst can’t imagine living like that all the time. Garnet needs someone to love and support her. Sort of like a sister. Meanwhile, Amethyst can see how Pearl looks at Rose, like she’s the beautiful Gem in the universe. Pearl is in love with Rose. Amethyst saw that clear as day when they fused. She doesn’t know how Rose still can’t see it. But to Pearl, Rose can do no wrong. Rose is Pearl’s everything, but Pearl isn’t Rose’s everything. And Amethyst, Amethyst needs someone to love her for her, she needs, well, Amethyst supposes the humans would call it a mother, and Amethyst thinks that maybe the humans are right. But Rose… Rose loves them as friends, but nothing more. And Amethyst thinks she hates Rose for that.

 

-

 

And then… Then Rose is gone. And Amethyst misses her more than anything. Rose is gone and in her place is a human baby. Amethyst doesn’t understand. Where has Rose gone? Garnet thinks the thing is a fusion while Pearl believes Rose trapped. Amethyst isn’t sure what has happened, but Rose is gone, and she isn’t sure what she’s going to do now…

 

-

 

Time passes, and Amethyst is forced to grow used to these new changes. And then, for the first time in decades, Amethyst has the flashes again. The visions of her past. But this time, Rose isn’t here to make them go away. Steven is only a few years old, and he is no Rose. This time, the visions never go away, no matter how much Amethyst tries.


End file.
